Serenity

(Originally written in 2006/12/22)

One day, Aoss told me that he found that students in Computer Science don't usually look into the eyes of the guy/girl he/she is talking to. After learning this, I have begun to pay more attention to this situation. I have found that not only is he right, but also that I have the same habit sometimes..

It's a little shock for me to notice this bad habit. I am trying to focus my eyes on the other's eyes or forehead, but it's hard work. I don't know why I can't look into aothers' eyes. Maybe we use computers too often and lack the experience of having face to face talks, or maybe we work and talk to people simultaneously less than we once did because we are busier. I do have lots of talks to people, but in most of these, we both sit in front of the monitor and talk. Therefore, our eyes focus on the screen naturally. We need a computer to demonstrate the things in our discussions.

When there is no computer and I have to talk to just one person, it becomes a test for me. If I concentrate on talking, my eyes would focus on nothing, that is, I wouldn't know where to stare. On the other hand, keeping my eyes on the other's forehead disturbs my train of thought. Therefore, I can't do both things well at the same time. What’s worse is that concentrating on eyes makes me more tired than concentrating on thoughts. It's not worth to waste my energy on eyes instead of thoughts.

However, 蔡康永 said that the secret of his successful interviews in 真情指數 (a interview program) is staring into his guests’ eyes. In other words, if you stare into his/her eyes for more than one hour and he/she would finally talk about something he/she doesn't want to talk about originally. These results increase my desire to practice staring into the eyes of an other. It could become a powerful communication strategy I'm still trying.